ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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