You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
