the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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