Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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