The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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