I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
