I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
40s are totally the cure
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
