We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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