I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
