I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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