It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
