What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize