Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
