But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
