Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was a blind-side dick pic.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
