planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
