whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
