I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Randomize
