Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
