her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
