Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
