I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
