Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
