tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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