Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
