So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
