ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
