Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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