Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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