We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
