he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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