dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
