I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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