rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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