bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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