I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
