Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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