FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
