I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
