Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize