Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
