I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
