Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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