I think I won the penis lottery.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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