just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
