I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
