i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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