This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
