My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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