I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
