Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
