we're blogging at a bar
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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