so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
