I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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