Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How's work?
Spinning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
