all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize