Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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