Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
