i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize