awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
