So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
