Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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