called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
