So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
