She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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