I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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