I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She announced her abortion via fbk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
