The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
