i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
