I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
