stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
