Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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